who took away my smile?

up until recently, i was not paying that much attention to the changes that have been going on in my life until i looked at myself in the mirror and saw that i had a gloomy frown in my face...

who took away my smile?

how did it come to this?

so i have been searching for a way to smile.. and i have realized that the only way that i could smile is when i find a source of joy...

where can i find it?


















That's THE Question... And it has be-lingered my thoughts for days if not weeks.

2010: A New Book is About to be Written

I have always imagined my life as a story that has to be written; something that has to be told to people one day. I have been obsessed by writing journals and putting entries in the world wide web so those who would be interested in writing my biography could get bits and pieces from archives and the internet..

But seeing that I have not really done anything extraordinary, I do not know why people would be willing to up this kind of effort in the future.. haha! Even so, it has become my habit to share a thing or two of out-of-the-normal or simply mundane moments of my life. It gives me delight and a touch of happiness when I recall what has transpired while I jot it down-it also gives me time to evaluate my actions and my thoughts.

2009 has been quite interesting for me. I am very grateful for the good and even the bad things that happened. I cannot ask for anything more. I am tempted to look at my past entries to see how my year went but I am afraid I will not succumb to that vanity-primarily because I think it silly...

I am really looking forward to this new year.. a new book has to be written and there are 365 days worth of pages! Exciting! :)

a full week of interest

This week has been quite interesting for me and a lot of people from Citi. Well, I seem to be improving at work, I think... People are getting stressed because of all the ad hoc tasks we are being given aside from our main job of making sure payments are made to suppliers.

It was the middle of this week that I did foreign currency processing. I had a better grasp of what to do but I am still not used to it. It is not an easy task to order foreign currency so you could pay the supplier in their desired currency. I got two more next week and I gotta be honest, I'm not so happy about it... I was also assigned to validate the TANDE invoices, and Aging reports aside from my GIRO report and it is taking a good amount of my time-time that should be focused on processing. Hopefully, I could pass back the TANDE to my co-worker who is on mandatory leave when she is back.

Enough about work. (as in work) I attended my first company christmas party and it was pretty interesting. I got to see a couple of people I don't really know and I was able to chat with a couple of them, which is pretty cool. Kinda reminds me of the days of parties in college I attend wherein I barely know anyone and end up chatting and laughing out loud with people. Oh, I danced by the way. I was so nervous I had to do my regimen for releasing pressure and stress. (I'd rather not post it here cause my dad knows about this blog... haha) It was pretty cool. It made me kinda stressed looking for a hoodie to wear cause I don't have one and am not planning on wearing one on a regular day. My sis accompanied me to sm dept store Thursday night to look for the cheapest one I could buy. We got one for like 500 or something but my older sis said the brand looks terrible. Good thing my sister's bf lent me one so all is well that ends well. Thanks dude! It was quite nice that people said our presentation was great and some girl said, "Hey! You were the dancer right? I'm from West but I was cheering for you guys." Gave me a big smile so I courteously said, "Thank you. Enjoy the rest of the night. She was going back to the office at 10pm on a Friday to work. Geee... We really are workaholics. Oh! And my boss told me I work too hard. I took it as a compliment. It was nice hearing it. Feels even better than getting my paycheck. :)

Oh! And the most important thing about this week was what transpired this morning. My dad gave me an opened envelope that was sent by UA&P. I was quite surprised when I read it...

"I'm being invited to take my Master's degree in Applied Business Economics by Dr. Terosa. I did not expect this because he told our group we were not good researchers back in 4th year. Of course Jared is in the 5th year on his way to MA in Industrial Economics. But yeah it was quite flattering to be invited five months after your graduation by Doc T! I don't think I can accept it til next year or in 2011 though. I do not want my parents to shoulder the expenses so I want to pay for my tuition on my own. Secondly, I gotta make sure I am in the position wherein I could avoid having to render OT on class days because Doc T is quite strict with attendance but you can't really leave your obligations at work behind..."

I do want take my Master's some day so I gotta save up. :)


P.S.

My mom and grandma are back from Aklan... Crabs and suman galore! ;p

when men try to act like gods..

If you are an avid fan of asian telenovelas (by this, i am referring to the oriental ones), you would probably have seen meteor garden and boys over flowers. These shows show to us how 4 brats live like as if they own the whole country because they are so affluent and powerful... Some would find this attractive and cool. But if you try to be rational about it, it is very dismaying to have these people exist in the real world... Unfortunately, there are punks like these in the real world...

What the country has witnessed recently is the shameless massacre of over 30 people (mediamen and those filing for candidacy) by the alleged incumbent governor of a province in Mindanao (somewhere in Maguindanao). I find this utterly dismaying because not only is it cold blooded massacre; it is a manifestation of how the killers have lived their lives (I am not certain until now who it is. Nobody is certain because we cannot simply state the obvious. We need strong proof.). Let us look at this objectively, it is not by simple impulse that one could do such a vile and horrific act. Whoever did this has been doing a lot of repulsive wrongdoings throughout his/her life. It would take a gravely scarred and callous conscience to even think of such an act; more so, to have it executed!

I am not one to condemn but whoever did this deserves nothing but a slow and painful death. I have never thought I would think of this being a pro-life and all but this is really terrible. The husband of the murdered wife has all the reason in the world to act like the guy from law abiding citizen. I just hope he does not resort to that. I hope he can find a way to move on and keep living. If he couldn't, I can't blame him.

As a final word, "FOR THOSE WHO WERE INVOLVED IN THIS MASSACRE, SHAME ON YOU! YOU ARE ALREADY BURNING IN HELL EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE STILL BREATHING!! YOU BELONG TO THE GROUP OF HITLER AND STALIN. YOU WOULD FOREVER BE REMEMBERED AS THE TYRANTS OF THIS PLANET!"



"Hey Megalomaniac! You're no jesus! Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis! Wash your, hands yeah know yourself maniac! Step down! Step down! Step down!"

AND BURN IN HELL!!! YOU ASS!!! X(

time to update my johari's window

I think I am old enough to keep myself interested in something for a significant period of time.. as we get older, our attention span should extend longer.. however, i have realized how easy it is for me to lose interest in something that i am doing and it is a very bad thing. it could either mean that up to now, i haven't found my passion (which has always been centered in the economics/finance industry) or i really just do not have what it takes to endure boredom and keep myself focused on achieving my goals...

I am so confused right now and I definitely need to sort things out!!

ACCEPTANCE

why must i force myself into a herd when i am being embraced by everyone else outside the herd?

there are times when thick is good! (even better than thin)

Contrary to what seems to be the crazy fad ongoing right now, thick is actually good! Fine! I can live with the thin cellphones, models, pizzas, tvs, laptops, etc. They are all pretty good and I like them all thin. However, thick seems to be another way to go in some cases (i.e. wallets, books, sandwiches, coats, skin, etc.). And yes, you read it correctly! It is at times good to be thick-skinned.

On several occasions, people especially us Filipinos tend to be mahiyain (Please don't lecture me over making generalized statements!). We are prone to feeling shy when we are alone and we are not comfortable in other people's company. Hence, neophytes and newcomers have a tendency to become pushovers because they would like to jive with other people. Gusto natin makisama sa ibang tao. However, there are occasions when you just have to put your foot down and say, 'Oh no! You can't do that to me. Nor can you treat me that way. I won't be swayed; this is my stand!' Why do I say this? Because there are occasions, when we are swayed regardless of intention. If we are being influenced for the better then excellent! Let us be swayed and changed. However, when the people around us are influencing us for the worse, you gotta stay firm in your principles baby! Strengthen your stance and don't let nobody destroy you. There are times when people act like rust.. They put their residue in you and they destroy you from within. They plant ideas in your mind hoping that it will be enough to make you vulnerable and destroy you.

I am sorry. This bamboo is fully grown. Though it wiggles; it fights for its place because its roots are firm-planted in the ground. This bamboo can't be pushed!

There are times when thick is good!